For secondary school, I went to an all girls grammar school. Aside from suffering as a result of being surrounded by 1000 other teenager girls every day (read as: lots of bitching, fights over boys and peer pressure) I would say it was a great school and it gave me a great education. There were a few teachers whose teaching skills were a little questionable, but on the whole I really enjoyed school and I felt that we were overall taught at a very high standard. I would also say that all my peers were extremely bright, shown in the school's average examination results.
However, there was one big problem at the school, which I have reflected on ever since leaving back when I was 18, and that was the huge lack of confidence in the students in their intellect and ability. Despite the fact that it was extremely common for a large percentage of the year to get all A*s and As every year, when you asked someone whether they did well their answer generally went something like 'yeah, it was ok.' Now you might say that was modesty. I think it goes far deeper; to a genuine lack of confidence in performance.
I have numerous friends who attained more than 5 A*s and the rest As at GCSE, yet when they were asked whether they were going to apply to Oxbridge their answer was 'oh no, I'm definitely not good enough for that.' Of course for some people, the way of teaching and learning was just not for them, but that answer was a far more common one. And why did they feel that? They'd shown their capability, and had all the raw materials to make it.
Let me tell you a little story that will never leave me. Back in my AS year I lost myself a bit. I just didn't have it together like I did in other years, and as a result I fluffed up my French listening exam and ended up getting a B. I know, shocker (I've told you I'm a geek.) Well, I remember going into my Head of Year's office to talk about it, and another teacher was in there. She actually told me that it was a waste of time applying to Oxford with a B, and I was much better not even applying to any Universities that wanted all As, and should aim for Universities from around the 25th in the country. I was absolutely heartbroken. Needless to say I ignored her moronic advice and thank God I did.
With teachers like that, I suppose it's not a surprise that girls at my school weren't confident in their own ability. Added to peer pressure to be 'cool' (to drink, smoke and spend every waking moment with boys from the boys' grammar) and parents who may not be as supportive as mine, it all makes sense. Even as I've gone through life, I've noticed how the really bright, clever ones are often the ones to sit and look nervous and constantly apologize for anything they've said wrong, yet the slightly less intelligent in life are very happy to get up, voice their views and aren't afraid of the consequences.
If you look at celebrities, there are so many great examples of both kinds of people. I am going to focus on two females: J K Rowling, and Katie Hopkins.
I recently went to a talk by J K Rowling in Oxford, and despite the fact she came across as incredibly smart and as a result witty, she was also extremely shy and seemed very overwhelmed at the reception she received. Yes. A woman who has sold between 400 and 450 million books worldwide and has made over $13 million dollars seemed to lack confidence and belief that she deserved the huge applause and admiration from the audience. During the talk she actually explained how she lacked huge confidence in her book writing skills before Harry Potter, and she still doesn't seem to understand how brilliant she is now. Mad huh?
An example of the other kind of person, in my opinion, is Katie Hopkins. If you don't know who I mean from the name, you will when you read these things that actually came out of her mouth:
"Suicidal prisoners should just kill themselves."
"Ginger babies. Like a baby, just harder to love."
On girls called Charmaine: "'Hi, this is my daughter Charmaine.' I hear 'Hi, I am thick and ignorant."
"Personally I hate mobility scooters. I find their owners intolerable."
I rest my case. If you still don't know who I mean, but hopefully agree with me that the above opinions are disgusting and immoral, she was a failed contestant on The Apprentice and has actually made a job out of sitting on This Morning saying and sitting on Twitter tweeting these awful things. Whilst some of her quotes are almost funny because of the shock value, this woman is INCREDIBLY rude, attention-seeking and above all just plain WRONG/STUPID. How can someone hold these views? And more to the point how can she get the air-time that she does expressing such idiotic views? It's her confidence in her own opinions that means she has made her mark, even if that's for all the wrong reasons.
So there you have it. It's definitely not true to say that all clever people lack confidence, or that the 'stupid' ones have heaps of it, but all too often you see examples of it. If only my friends at school, writers like J K Rowling and every other intelligent, confidence-lacking person all had the confidence that Katie Hopkins does, perhaps idiots like Katie wouldn't even get the air time. Wouldn't that be great? I'm holding out for it one day, and I'm sure that's what Charles Bukowski was getting at.
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